Chivalry and Other Mid-evil Concepts (Part 2)

ROUGH Draft

Maybe I should call the other post a prelude and call this part one?

I am a Witch. I believe in God, but is not the Christian version.

In my particular, unique, and singularly individual belief system the God is multi-faceted. For this particular topic I would like to concern myself with the aspects of the God as both the Hunter and the Stag.

He is the Lord of the woods, God of the hunt, and of animals. He provides for the tribe as the Hunter and is honored or rewarded for his deeds by being permitted to join with the Goddess through the Great Rite and give himself life again through his son. (His son is himself, a reincarnation type of thing.)

The Horned God is the Lord of Life because by providing food for his family he gives them life. He is the God of Death and the Underworld because he is also the Stag that must die in order for this sustenance to be provided to them. He is the Sun to the Goddess' Moon. He reigns with the Goddess in ruling over the fertility cycle of birth, death and rebirth. He is born at the winter solstice, unites with the Goddess in marriage at Beltane, and dies at the summer solstice to bring fertility to the land.

It's all about cycles, my belief system.

You might wonder how this relates to chivalry and in some ways it doesn't, but it does relate to the manner in which I believe men and women should treat each other. Be respectful. Understand that without both life would not exist.

From my perspective (and I understand many women, probably especially feminists, will not share this viewpoint) those people who channel the God in the day to day have a sacred privilege. The God in your household, whether that is a woman, a man, or a hermaphrodite, has the privilege of acting our the God's role. Some people strongly channel the God in a literal sense. They hunt, bring home deer and whatnot, clean it, cook it, and put it on the table. There is nothing wrong with that kid of man. Put it in perspective.

The Goddess is just as multi-faceted as the God. She provides life through the womb and care through empathy but she is also the Crone, a Goddess of Death and a dark mother. She respresents our destruction, death, and decay. She forces us to realize that death is a part of the cycle we must all go through. Here, as in nature, the death of Winter is followed by the promise of rebirth in the Spring. She is often depicted as a Grandmother, a wise woman, or a midwife. Her own child rearing days are past; she is the wisdom keeper, seer and healer, whose knowledge is sought out to guide others during life's hardships and transitions. Invoke the Goddess in her dark aspect to help you face your deepest fears as despite her often fierce ways and appearance she offers great wisdom to those prepared to look upon her face.

Do you really think the Hunter would leave his home, his castle (a castle is a place to retreat to, a place to defend above all else), if he didn't respect the woman he left in charge of it to keep it (and his progeny) safe from harm?

If a Hunter leaves his Goddess home in charge of the castle he must know she isn't going to lower the drawbridge (open the door) to any Tom, Dick, or Harry that comes along. He must know that she is going to grab his spare shotgun out of the case and defend the home they share together, should it be threatened while he is away.

Today, you don't see that happening literally in U.S. cities. Because they are cities. Besides, if you can afford to leave you wife at home, generally speaking you are a business man and not a hunter. (All generalizations are dangerous, including this one.) The modern-day idea of a homemaker is someone who... doesn't even want to own a shotgun. (Of course, I think this because I just watched Nanny Diaries, but still.)

Now, I'll be honest. I've never seen a gun in person much less learned how to use one. I'm not someone who channels the Goddess' war-like facet. Or the God's war-like facet. I tend to be more pacifist in nature (though not completely).

Still, everyone should see respect where it is given. Respect is not necessarily shown by opening doors for women, but in loving, trusting, and respecting them. And women! Pay respect to men, please. Don't let your need for respect from drown out your common sense. Appreciate respect from others when they show you real respect. Besides, would you respect a person who was not respectful of you? No? So, why do you expect a man to be respectful of you if you are going to be dismissive and belittle the importance and significance of men in our lives?

Do your best. That's all anyone should ask of you. Anything above and beyond that, you should be asking of yourself.

Feel free to disagree, I know a lot of women friends of mine who are going to hate this post. :)

Thinking

Yes, I know, I should be writing about (finishing) my last blog but something occurred to me today that I haven't been able to shake.

Is right to get married? This is partially a result of reading a blog about how abstinence-only education is not just a failure for heterosexual couples. The interesting part of the blog:

Abstinence-only education, set up through the Social Security Act of 1998, states that the programs must teach, “social, psychological, and health gains of abstinence; abstinence as the expected standard; abstinence is the only certain way to avoid pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases; monogamous relationship in the context of marriage is the expected standard of sexual activity; sexual activity outside of the context of marriage is likely to have harmful psychological and physical effects; how to reject sexual advances and how alcohol and drug use increase vulnerability to sexual advances” among other things (U.S. Social Security Administration).

[...]

Even the curriculum of abstinence-only sex education is problematic. It not only discriminates against lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youth, but also violates human rights. Because abstinence-only education, as previously stated, teaches “marriage as the expected standard of sexual activity” and “sexual activity outside of the context of marriage is likely to have harmful… effects” (Alford), it excludes non-heterosexual teens. It also “rejects the idea of sexual intimacy for lesbians and gays and ignores their need for critical information about protection” (ACLU). Access to comprehensive and accurate information health—including sexual health—is recognized as a human right (SIECUS). Abstinence- only courses often censor information about contraceptives or distort the statistics. They also lack giving any information about where contraceptives can be obtained. Without this sort of information, teens get confused.

Read the complete blog: http://www.wrc.pdx.edu/shesheet/wordpress/?p=275

What stuck in my head was the part about how getting married is only legal for heterosexual couples in most states, and in most parts of the world, yet we still think of sex outside of marriage harmful. So, what this basically says to people who live alternative lifestyles is that it is unhealthy for them to indulge in physical intimacy. The opposite is true. Being intimate and sharing your life with someone you respect, trust, and who respects and trusts you will extend your lifespan (if you don't get hit by a bus or contract an STD).

My question is whether or not marriage is right for anyone in this day and age. I have always anticipated I would get married. I made the decision early on in my life that even though I would love to raise children I would not want to take the risk of being pregnant myself because of health problems I have had since I was thirteen. Today, this very morning, for the first time in my life (granted I'm only 22) I considered the fact that getting married might not be right.

I have plenty of friends that fall under the "alternative lifestyle" category. I love them to pieces and the lives they live don't change a damn thing. I was wondering how I would explain it to them.

"I know you are not allowed to get married, to have the same acceptance from society that I have in my sexuality and choice of life partner, but I'm enjoying the privileges that our unfair, prejudiced society is unjustly keeping from you and I'd like you to attend."

I can't imagine inviting my bisexual, gay, or whatever friends to my wedding. It would be too unfair. I do remember the last Christmas I spent with my parents. They had a huge pile of presents for my brother, but when it came time for me my father said, "Oops, we forgot." (My parents forgot me on Christmas, can you believe it?) I remember the feeling of having to be respectful and good and all that jazz. I remember sitting through the entire opening of presents (I did not forget to buy presents for my brother and my parents.) knowing I would not be able to participate in the same way. It felt like hours, but it was probably just thirty minutes.

(I did spend hours in my room crying, quietly, lest anyone hear. I was afraid to spoil my Christmas even more because I knew that I would be in trouble for spoiling everyone else's good time by being noticeably upset. Then I had to back down for Christmas dinner and be sociable. It sucked.)

I don't ever want to make anyone feel like that. Ever. But I also don't want to get married if I can't invite some of my best friends.

So. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll boycott those rights and privileges that others are unfairly, unjustly barred from in our country.

I can be happy without being legally married.

Picture it this way, if you don't think you agree with me. Say there is someplace (bar, restaurant, night club) that discriminates against blacks, or Asians, or girls with green eyes. Say you have a good friend who is black, or Asian, or has green eyes. (If fact, say that whatever they discriminate is a quality of your best friend.) Would you go without him/her? Or would you boycott?


My horoscope today, via Tarot.com: "Virgo: A day that is grounded in practical actions will probably make you feel better about yourself and your world. Your limits of indulgence may be tested by romantic temptations, but you may choose to let the opportunity go by. Keep in mind that you can still be prudent in your life choices without having to limit your happiness."

Respect

Respect is defined as "an attitude of admiration or esteem" and it this case I am talking about showing admiration or esteem towards women.

Eye contact is a good way to show respect in our culture. Sometimes, though, men take direct eye contact as a means of flirtation. In other cultures eye contact is a sign or disrespect; for example, the traditional Vietnamese parent may take direct eye contact as a sign of disrespect.

Allow other people to express their own unique point of view. This gets to the point of the fact that while we may not always agree with someone or what they say, but we must always respect what it is that they say. You may disagree with someone, but it is a sign of your own self-respect to let others have unique beliefs and opinions without feeling threatened by the difference of opinion.

Give the women in your life time to say what it is they want to say. One way to show disrespect someone is to rudely cut in while the other person is speaking. Allow others the they need and you are likely to get yours as well. (I'm bad at this, I need to work on it.)

Be sensitive to the feelings of others. If you are a man, this might not be your best thing. A good rule is to just ask, "Is this something you need to talk about because I'm in trouble, because you want to solve the problem, or because you just need someone to listen?" If the person (we'll assume female) says they just want you to listen it means you get to be a cheerleader. Show your loyalty. Side with her completely. If you feel the need to point out a solution, or that she isn't entirely in the right... Do it later. When she's done venting.

Some women feel like opening doors for them is not respectful... The best advice I can give: Ask each woman what her preferences are before you proceed.

Chivalry and Other Mid-evil Concepts

After reading "The Question of Chivalry" by Tracey at Unapologetically Female I had to respond. So, I commented.

My comment was:

What are gender neutral ways to show respect for others? Rather than bashing men who are trying to be courteous (and not understanding that a lot of women don't see it as a courtesy) why don't we try to replace old (sometimes bad behaviors) with good ones.

"She's talking about all men "gallantly" showing women respect through door-opening when there are so many other (much more important) ways in which they systematically disrespect women," Tracey said.

Can we get a thread or a conversation going about the ways men are disrespectful and try to teach them better ways to show us respect? For that matter, can we talk about ways to show men respect that aren't promoting male chauvinism or the subtle degradation of (ourselves) women? That is a blog I'd like to read. This is a good segue or prequel to that conversation, and I think it's a conversation that needs to be had.

(The End)

Except I'm not done.

TBC...