Thinking

Yes, I know, I should be writing about (finishing) my last blog but something occurred to me today that I haven't been able to shake.

Is right to get married? This is partially a result of reading a blog about how abstinence-only education is not just a failure for heterosexual couples. The interesting part of the blog:

Abstinence-only education, set up through the Social Security Act of 1998, states that the programs must teach, “social, psychological, and health gains of abstinence; abstinence as the expected standard; abstinence is the only certain way to avoid pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases; monogamous relationship in the context of marriage is the expected standard of sexual activity; sexual activity outside of the context of marriage is likely to have harmful psychological and physical effects; how to reject sexual advances and how alcohol and drug use increase vulnerability to sexual advances” among other things (U.S. Social Security Administration).

[...]

Even the curriculum of abstinence-only sex education is problematic. It not only discriminates against lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youth, but also violates human rights. Because abstinence-only education, as previously stated, teaches “marriage as the expected standard of sexual activity” and “sexual activity outside of the context of marriage is likely to have harmful… effects” (Alford), it excludes non-heterosexual teens. It also “rejects the idea of sexual intimacy for lesbians and gays and ignores their need for critical information about protection” (ACLU). Access to comprehensive and accurate information health—including sexual health—is recognized as a human right (SIECUS). Abstinence- only courses often censor information about contraceptives or distort the statistics. They also lack giving any information about where contraceptives can be obtained. Without this sort of information, teens get confused.

Read the complete blog: http://www.wrc.pdx.edu/shesheet/wordpress/?p=275

What stuck in my head was the part about how getting married is only legal for heterosexual couples in most states, and in most parts of the world, yet we still think of sex outside of marriage harmful. So, what this basically says to people who live alternative lifestyles is that it is unhealthy for them to indulge in physical intimacy. The opposite is true. Being intimate and sharing your life with someone you respect, trust, and who respects and trusts you will extend your lifespan (if you don't get hit by a bus or contract an STD).

My question is whether or not marriage is right for anyone in this day and age. I have always anticipated I would get married. I made the decision early on in my life that even though I would love to raise children I would not want to take the risk of being pregnant myself because of health problems I have had since I was thirteen. Today, this very morning, for the first time in my life (granted I'm only 22) I considered the fact that getting married might not be right.

I have plenty of friends that fall under the "alternative lifestyle" category. I love them to pieces and the lives they live don't change a damn thing. I was wondering how I would explain it to them.

"I know you are not allowed to get married, to have the same acceptance from society that I have in my sexuality and choice of life partner, but I'm enjoying the privileges that our unfair, prejudiced society is unjustly keeping from you and I'd like you to attend."

I can't imagine inviting my bisexual, gay, or whatever friends to my wedding. It would be too unfair. I do remember the last Christmas I spent with my parents. They had a huge pile of presents for my brother, but when it came time for me my father said, "Oops, we forgot." (My parents forgot me on Christmas, can you believe it?) I remember the feeling of having to be respectful and good and all that jazz. I remember sitting through the entire opening of presents (I did not forget to buy presents for my brother and my parents.) knowing I would not be able to participate in the same way. It felt like hours, but it was probably just thirty minutes.

(I did spend hours in my room crying, quietly, lest anyone hear. I was afraid to spoil my Christmas even more because I knew that I would be in trouble for spoiling everyone else's good time by being noticeably upset. Then I had to back down for Christmas dinner and be sociable. It sucked.)

I don't ever want to make anyone feel like that. Ever. But I also don't want to get married if I can't invite some of my best friends.

So. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll boycott those rights and privileges that others are unfairly, unjustly barred from in our country.

I can be happy without being legally married.

Picture it this way, if you don't think you agree with me. Say there is someplace (bar, restaurant, night club) that discriminates against blacks, or Asians, or girls with green eyes. Say you have a good friend who is black, or Asian, or has green eyes. (If fact, say that whatever they discriminate is a quality of your best friend.) Would you go without him/her? Or would you boycott?


My horoscope today, via Tarot.com: "Virgo: A day that is grounded in practical actions will probably make you feel better about yourself and your world. Your limits of indulgence may be tested by romantic temptations, but you may choose to let the opportunity go by. Keep in mind that you can still be prudent in your life choices without having to limit your happiness."